Thursday, February 14, 2013

A Little Tooo Much...

So, I don't know why I'm blogging again.

Everytime I write something here I think to myself, "Oh My Goodness, You.are.a.tool. Take it down. Honestly, I could be putting it into a journal and it would be much more private and less.... Just less. And maybe that's the point. I want to put it out into the universe, send it away.

After publishing the Fragile post, I immediately wanted to take it down. Does that make any sense at all? I want it there to get it out but I don't want it there because you read this. I'll be honest, whenever people are too honest and emotional and sensitive in their blogs, I just roll my eyes. I'm like ok, you just want attention. That is obviously judgy me doing that, but because I am like that I have this overwhelming fear that I seem fake and I honest to God just want to be really friggin genuine. If I am nothing else in life, that is the one thing I want to be and aspire for.

So this is where I am realizing that I really do care what people think.......

Only, I don't care if people think that I'm crazy, loud, obnoxious, funny, sarcastic, big-mouth, judgy or an idiot; because I am all of those things and those can all be fun. However, I do care if people think I'm wounded, sad, hurt, weak, dishonest, incapable of strength, insecure and basically just an all around cry baby. I don't want to be the cliche walking wounded person. I'm not that person... Not completely.

So I guess it's possible to be all of these things, at the same time. Some are hiding others, but they are still real and genuine. Right?

1 comment:

The Bus Stop said...

I love you and your posts! Keep them coming. I am proud of you. You are you.